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lyrics

I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes and
if you asked me when, I’d say it was probably 1985
or 1986. I was six, a little girl in 1st grade. It was the first age
I had to save my world.
My house was up in flames, that's how it felt.
I ran to find the phone, I’d just learned how to call for help
and I was so small, four feet and shaking.
Couldn’t speak and couldn’t breathe, hyperventilating.
Still they heard me.
What's your emergency?
I choked and said help!
Blood everywhere, I’m not alone but by myself
And in the background they heard the screams and furniture breaking
They asked if I could find a way to hide myself safely.
I said I don’t know ma’am. I’m only six.
They said find the bathroom and lock yourself in.
You’re a big girl, you’ll be fine. We’ll tell you when it's safe.
I could feel the tears and sweat forming paths down my face
And as I locked the door behind me.
I thought about my grandmother, my mother
Trying to intervene between her sons and her brothers
My uncle’s theater of war.
That theater was home and the violence was raw
and the weapons were anything not bolted to the floor.
I was afraid of those cold tiles, afraid of what I saw.
Then I looked at the mirror and started to talk to me
I said
I am strong
and I am brave.
That doesn’t mean
I’m not afraid.
I’m a; a warrior until my dying day.
I'm a warrior until my dying day.
I am strong.
I thought nightmares only happen when you sleep
This feels like a scary movie
I just want it to stop
How do I get out of here?
I need to get help

I don’t know what to do
I’m afraid
Don't be afraid
I am strong

credits

from House of Helixx, released October 31, 2022

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