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1. |
Nightfall
00:51
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2. |
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Nice to meet you all
First name is Helixx
Here to interview for the job posted up on Craigslist
The job description said this theatre’s hiring a puppet for it’s circus
And I’m like wow! I think I just found my purpose
As you can see I just cut my strings
My last ventriloquist wasn’t making my heart sing
I was a corporate puppet
corporate America
20 years
Now I’m looking for a new job
Without a puppeteer
I have my resume with me
You have questions?
Skills are transferable
at least that’s my impression
How so? You ask
Here, let me think
I had to walk a tightrope with deadlines I couldn’t even blink
Had to swallow swords
do death-defying feats see
Bozo the clown would say I’m what you need
I tamed lions, tigers, bears, oh my
Became a snake charmer with flair, does that apply?
My hair was on fire, it matched my attire
You know the charcoal look is just oozing with desire
I mean, without question, made it look effortless
Late nights chained to my desk made me an elephant of sorts
By day, kinda like the Exorcist, at lunch time Whodini
It’s all about the temperament
Bring joy? Yeah, like Wednesday Addams
or Lydia from Beetlejuice at least that’s been my pattern
I’m a Tim Burton movie to a tee
The Tompkins Square Park version of a lurid Midsummer Night’s dream
I know clowns and they know me
I dated a few, maybe more than three. Shhhhhh
I used to say that the circus came to me and now I know the circus is the only place to be
Thank you for your time, I hope you would agree
There is no other choice. This job was built for me
Thank you for your time, I hope you would agree
There is no other choice. This job was built for me
Thank you for your time, I hope you would agree
There is no other choice. This job was built for me
For me
For me
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3. |
James Baldwin
02:51
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James Baldwin talked about doing his part.
He left from Paris with the goal of documenting the spark
of revolution in the civil rights movement through art-
full expression of words and voice.
See, my choice is the same.
It’s a different time, same challenges.
The same call to action needs the same brave analysis.
Map the calluses.
Pressure-points to all the imbalances that aggravate my thalamus
and now I just ponder what it means to be free?
Explore the work of Gordon Matta-Clark in anarchi-
tecture. Thoughts are metta, waves in theta,
bold conjectures magnify oppressors,
so now I’m just angry.
Tabulating civil wars, civil costs, civil laws.
Frankly, wars on every front.
Which one to choose?
I choose the ones that hold significance against my views.
The news is hostile. Full of fake apostles.
Rembrandts with titillating neolithic gospels.
Aren’t we past that? What? The stone ages.
I guess not. History repeats itself in stages.
Watch the cadence and watch the sadists.
Watch the cadence and watch the sadists.
Watch the cadence and watch the sadists.
Watch the cadence and watch the sadists.
Faded to flashbacks.
Label it hazmat.
Normalize -the horrors- makes you pause instead of clapback.
Distraction is a means to keep us standing still.
Study celebrities instead of people like Brad Will.
Indulge in toxic narcissistic garbage,
while kids are getting killed going to school
I’m heavy-hearted.
I watched Joaquin Oliver’s Dad paint a mural in Wynwood Miami.
Agony fueled his body and his brush strokes.
It had me grieving and heaving for families that I never met,
#NeverAgain Parkland 17.
There’s no in-between, no sidelines in this struggle.
Active participation. No comfort. No bubble.
I’ve got a son who’s already been stopped and frisked.
Not one time, but three times, enough to keep me lit.
Is this the way we groom children about grit?
Exposing them to prison themes, paradigms shift.
Study the works of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca,
Cato the Younger and Epictetus.
Yep, I choose Stoics, Dharma Punks and street poets.
Counterculture misfits with all their raw heroics.
To never lose focus I won’t ingest the lotus.
No complacency, acknowledge what you notice.
To never lose focus I won’t ingest the lotus.
No complacency, acknowledge what you notice.
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4. |
RollerCoaster
03:51
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Sit in silence just to hear my heart struggle to beat
Got weary eyes mind and body disconnect when I sleep
Sleep paralysis, hallucinating sweating through sheets
Don’t disclose, rather suffer than expose where I’m weak
Hollow soul with the vacant eyes
Depression feeling all alone
Not a big surprise
Very distant far from home from those good feelings nothing can save me
Whispers in my ear say you’re just a little bit crazy
You know some of them days seem harder than others.
Close my eyes sink into my sheets then
Melt in my covers
Don’t wanna face the day
Rather erase away
But what good will that do?
If Instagram remains
With my imprint ingrained
Still a nomadic teacher
Here since ‘94 building musical creatures
That speak to all types of folks in all different places
War against myself in the balance of life's stages
Life is like a RollerCoaster
I don’t know just where I’m supposed to be
What shall I see
What does this mean
Somebody, somebody find a place for me
Highs and lows truth be told
Watch the pendulum swing
Where it lands I can only hope the pressure won’t sting
I’m secure even with depression clamped on my wings
Learned to fly compromised
Look for lessons in things
Shadows whisper as I walk
They can’t be seen to the eye
Hear them listen as I talk
when hope recedes from skies
Then something sparks like a transmission
I take these little intermissions
Then like a phoenix
I’m risen out the dust of wisdom
Walking time bomb
with thoughts of Krylon
from days so far gone
they make for sad songs
But it never lasts long
‘cause ever bars a new dawn
My tribe keeps hope strong when I’m withdrawn
And life’s a decision
I choose to take control
There’s not one person on earth
who isn’t riddled with holes
I’ll be bold enough to say
that every chapter won’t close
You have to manage what you’re dealt
if living life is your goal.
Life is like a RollerCoaster
I don’t know just where I’m supposed to be
What shall I see
What does this mean
Somebody, somebody find a place for me
Anybody find a place for me
Somebody find a place for me
Anybody find a place for me
Anybody find a place for me
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5. |
Railroad
03:44
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Sojourner Truth in decibels
I let the pull of life tow me out to the vestibule
I’m at the door
of my own house.
Ran my fingertips across my lips to touch doubt,
I taste blood.
See the foyer clearly,
I see myself really,
Reflecting off the mirrors, quiet rooms are kind of eerie.
Shadows fanning like avalanches,
I feel the weight of past circumstances,
I’m necromancing, it's not romantic.
I’m on a canvas with the past and the future.
Hands brace the floor, show my striations and sutures.
Naked in my nudeness, vacant and secluded,
scan limbs, breathe in, deconstruct the rubrics,
in a pool of red ink, laying in my hubris
but only just enough to shift inertia to some movement.
Stopping the entombment,
core muscles moving,
spine arches forward feel the pain in all the bruising.
I know why the caged bird sings,
even when its ravaged soul is in the middle of its own arab spring.
Tattered rings of pseudo-growth on tree stumps of hope
I’m soaked in the sweat of my years,
the sweat of my ghosts,
From, pillar to post in this mind-gym,
shibari rope wrapped around my throat
From the tears formed in silence, I shift my shoulder blades
I’m feeling a roving rage,
bones stack, contract, like jenga blocks before they cave.
Sitting in an open grave, it’s subtle
crack my neck to feel the prisons in my muscles.
I escaped from Alcatraz. I won’t escape the Challenger,
the blast waves demolished all my parts, I’m now a salvager.
Fix my posture, postulate the meaning
It’s raining stardust, I’ve arrived and yet I’m leaving.
Skin glistens, wounds on my wrist.
I’ve got a gun on my tongue and a blade in my kiss.
I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on railroad
Cause I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a railroad
Cause I've been working on a, I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a railroad
Cause I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a, I’ve been working on a railroad
For life
For life
For life
For life
For life
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6. |
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Hook:
I come from the enslaved
Their blood pumps through my veins
It fuels the wars within me
I’m what remains
These records hold all my blood memories
Helixx C. Armageddon verse:
Ancestors are calling
Got me lying here awake ‘till like 4 in the morning
Usually ask permission
Say a prayer
Wait to feel the knowing essence of their wisdom
Serengeti
Very heady
Scrolling through some versions of my past you’d think I never met me.
Visions are very heavy
Especially when some are indirect others direct me
Blurring and out of focus
Elders show you all the things you need to see and notice
a proposition, thoughts, visions
operate beyond the stagnant binary systems
Source knows your health
Guidance on your path
Is a different kind of wealth
open up your senses
No rose colored glasses in them
Astral plane dimensions
Hook:
I come from the enslaved
Their blood pumps through my veins
It fuels the wars within me
I’m what remains
These records hold all my blood memories
Jise verse:
The world's only perspective
when Seen through human lenses
The emancipation of fear can only heighten our senses
In the trench of war I've seen how dense the hate is
It’ll make the heart shape shift, shape shift Ma taught me to be resilient
Pop left but it taught me to be present God armor on
Is better than your firearm
You got something to say
Say it don’t send it
The world’s tanking be a shark Spot the mark
Mark the spot
Keep the targets locked
Run out of space
Create a space
Or slot eyes open or not
The clock still ticks
Exchange pounds with Jah
Enough is enough
In spanish its ja
Stop remain sharp if you bark you better bite
Poisoned arrows pierce the kindest of hearts such a beautiful piece of art
Helixx C. Armageddon verse:
Pillows are like clouds
Dust from the light on the ceiling is like misted rain as it rains down
Can you feel that it’s raining now?
Is God waiting for me on the other side of pain?
Does God know my name now?
I stand before you
A mirror it seems, it seems, it seems, it seems to me
I wonder right here
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
Is this all a dream
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7. |
Provocateur
01:41
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I’m alive and still breathing,
on a quest to find whatever gives the world meaning.
Am I just a child dreaming?
Middle-aged grieving?
Old, feeling bold from skinny-dipping in reason?
Done, romanticizing demons
Giving them credence
See them as impediments blocking future achievements.
Slow dance with them more than I’d like,
let the darkness snake my soul
until it covers my light.
Never suffocate, instead I let the heat rage
admit it’s a false cage, mirage in a desert gaze,
wisdom in the current stage.
Set ablaze, healing cleanse, burning sage,
smoking out the burning page,
left with ashes and malaise.
Look for ways to savor battles in neverending wars.
Like raising the earth’s mantle to siphon out the core.
Layers of mind matter with patterns reinforced
See the self is its own savage, its own provocateur.
The self is its own savage, its own provocateur.
The self is its own savage, its own provocateur.
I myself am my own savage, my own provocateur.
My own provocateur.
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8. |
Metamorphosis
03:58
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Thank you for being here
I’d like to think you knew
That I would need you in this room as I emerge from my cocoon
So strange, this moment with me and you
reminds me of my time in hospitals
From my point of view, it’s not the same but very different
Let me explain
I’m here, alone, unpacking all my pain while you listen
Is it really all that different
from a doctor bearing witness to a story that’s been given?
See
I understand what this moment means
as I look out at you and you look back at me
There’s opportunity in devastation
and maybe my cup is half full, but I’m so happy that I made it here tonight
Because there were so many nights
that I’d lie awake and cry myself to sleep I wasn’t fine
I was weak and inconsolable, wading in my pain
I only had one question and my question was the same
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?
Broken, out of control
Music therapy gave me something that I could hold
Everything was in the air, I was at the end of my rope.
Playing drums was another way to cope with illness.
I still get beside myself
When I think about how music therapy gave me my health back in stages
Hard for me to say this
When I thought that I was dying, music made me feel like I could make it
Hope triggers healing
that's what I was feeling
It lives within the art I make
I found it so revealing
Cathartic
I finally own the sentence I’m an artist
I feel abundant
Abundant in the harvest of self
That is my wealth
return to which I came
Music therapy gave me back my pseudonym and that is Helixx
Helixx isn’t without pain
I still have one question and my question is the same
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?
If all we have is the moment we are in
I’d like to take this moment to really underpin
the fact that now I’m feeling happy, hopeful, vibrant
I’m full of gratitude and no I’m not trying to hide it
This school year I watched my son enter 12th grade
Even at my sickest he was making straight A’s
As a single parent, I’m swearing I wouldn’t be transparent
If I didn’t tell him that I love him
for his care and his support
his courage and his thoughts
Love was like a torch
I’ve won more than I’ve lost
Yes, there was a cost
I am forever optimistic
Now a full time artist and my goals are quite specific
I dedicate my life to music therapy, you see the transformation
I feel I have to let it be, let it be known
A butterfly is closing off this poem
existential questions, are questions left unknown like
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?
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9. |
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I know, he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you repair my tortured heart today.
I know, he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you
I was a little younger
Thought I was all the wiser
Felt the breath of cupid on my neck
Then met the hypnotizer
We really didn’t meet
only felt my heart pierced
Silhouette in the shadows
then it smiled and disappeared
Like a Cheshire cat, a wonderland without its Alice
That grin had a touch of sass
underlined with malice
Should’ve recognized foreboding tones
Bedeviled by a known
nemesis who marked his target
I know just how it started, it’s clear
I know, he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you repair my tortured heart today
I know, he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you repair my tortured heart today
I was a little older
thought I was all the wiser
Felt the threat of cupid in my chest
Then met the paralyzer
We really didn’t meet
only felt my heart seared
Movement in the darkness
Saw his wicked stance and wayward stare
In a trance with Davy Jones
Anchored to a locker
No Calypso at a sordid throne
No pirates and no martyrs
Stuck in purgatory at world's end
Without a charter
Broken-hearted, starved from logic
Can’t be treated by a doctor I know
I know he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you repair my tortured heart today
I know, he hit me with his broken arrows
Cupid, just signed up for an epic battle
I’m gonna hunt you and when I find you
I’m gonna make you repair my tortured heart today
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10. |
Pull the Trigger
03:42
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World crumbling
Watch the stocks tumbling
Armageddon gwon come down with fools rushing in
States clash, the masked and the maskless
Hard to stay in balance when everything is so tragic
No caskets bury your own dead
Middle class markets falling deep in the red
Can’t sleep in the bed without needing those meds
Just a step away from poor
Snack on water and bread
No close calls I’m pounding on stone walls
Watch my debt rising wondering how many really dropped the ball
Looking for the culprit needles in a haystack
My hands are bleeding from the fact that many made this blame trap
Looks like I got myself a gun
Who’s gonna pull the trigger now
Seems like everybody wants to play god
Take a life and watch a world fade out
Time lapses, when is the time to cash in
When cash means nothing for what will we be asking
Right now we live in a glutton cloud
At the first storm the weak have showed up in dazed crowds
Killin’ off each other, suicide kingdom
I make decisions for you
Unofficial wingmen
Whole families gone up in dust
Combustion of the system removes the public's trust
Looks like I got myself a gun
Who’s gonna pull the trigger now
Seems like everybody wants to play god
Take a life and watch a world fade out
Watch for the place in the space when you hear it go pop
It means you can not stop what’ll happen
Watch for the place in the space when you hear it go pop
It means you can not stop what’ll happen
I won’t be just anyone’s puppet, world falls on my fears
I can’t function
Lights fade out, blackness fills voids
Armageddon toys as the world gets destroyed
Life as we know it is changing
I don’t think that this will be painless
Resilience it seems contagious
All real wars were fought down in stages
Life as we know it is changing
I don’t think that this will be painless
Resilience it seems contagious
All real wars were fought down in stages
Looks like I got myself a gun
Who’s gonna pull the trigger now
Seems like everybody wants to play god
Take a life and watch a world fade out
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11. |
Warrior
03:07
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I can still hear the sirens when I close my eyes and
if you asked me when, I’d say it was probably 1985
or 1986. I was six, a little girl in 1st grade. It was the first age
I had to save my world.
My house was up in flames, that's how it felt.
I ran to find the phone, I’d just learned how to call for help
and I was so small, four feet and shaking.
Couldn’t speak and couldn’t breathe, hyperventilating.
Still they heard me.
What's your emergency?
I choked and said help!
Blood everywhere, I’m not alone but by myself
And in the background they heard the screams and furniture breaking
They asked if I could find a way to hide myself safely.
I said I don’t know ma’am. I’m only six.
They said find the bathroom and lock yourself in.
You’re a big girl, you’ll be fine. We’ll tell you when it's safe.
I could feel the tears and sweat forming paths down my face
And as I locked the door behind me.
I thought about my grandmother, my mother
Trying to intervene between her sons and her brothers
My uncle’s theater of war.
That theater was home and the violence was raw
and the weapons were anything not bolted to the floor.
I was afraid of those cold tiles, afraid of what I saw.
Then I looked at the mirror and started to talk to me
I said
I am strong
and I am brave.
That doesn’t mean
I’m not afraid.
I’m a; a warrior until my dying day.
I'm a warrior until my dying day.
I am strong.
I thought nightmares only happen when you sleep
This feels like a scary movie
I just want it to stop
How do I get out of here?
I need to get help
I don’t know what to do
I’m afraid
Don't be afraid
I am strong
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12. |
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Helixx C. Armageddon verse:
I’m so thankful for people that know things
In the same way I’m thankful
for books like the I Ching.
And the depth that asking why brings.
Asking the “5 whys” will get you closer to unearthing the root cause for any motive.
I have a north star, where beliefs are born
It’s through the lens of social justice
and its layers of reform.
create the space, the norms
the music, the songs
the culture, the forms
the movement, the storm
Because a story is not a story until it’s shared
And how can we unite
to build a world that’s humane and fair?
You see that stare
No, I don’t need to be dared
I’ve been called, my soul is strapped
I need to be here
Hook:
I hold the line
For those we lost, they live inside us.
In a world that’s so divided,
We hold space and stand united.
hold the line
For all the freedom fighters, we define us
The broken system can’t divide(deny) us,
They can try us.
hold the line
You? I believe in you!
I’m holding space so you have some space
to see what you can do.
hold the line
For all the hungry and the broken,
I know your plight is real
Let's bring your stories into focus.
Hold the line.
Invincible verse:
This joint is anthemic
Honor the ancestors
Celebrating life
as we surviving dual pandemics
grateful how far we made it
but when the scars are faded
never forget how essential was treated as sacrificial
incarcerated loved ones in a super spreader system
behind bars of hatred
if I learned anything it's that our souls and hearts are braided
just yesterday I got a message over JPay
a homie who's inside and guided by the sacred star arrangements
she was writing from her cell
and reminded me the true "function of freedom
is to free somebody else"
the origin is Toni Morrison
and deeply grounded in her liberation journey
as she advocates from hell
I hold the line
Hook:
I hold the line
For those we lost, they live inside us.
In a world that’s so divided,
We hold space and stand united.
hold the line
For all the freedom fighters, we define us
The broken system can’t divide(deny) us,
They can try us.
hold the line
You? I believe in you!
I’m holding space so you have some space
to see what you can do.
hold the line
For all the hungry and the broken,
I know your plight is real
Let's bring your stories into focus.
Hold the line.
Big Tara verse:
What a time to be alive
To rise and shine
I be that afro-samurai
Escaping death with the power of my breath and guides
Gods, angels, benevolent ancestors
Making sure I get my messages so I’m protected
Belly full enough to just bust through them waist beads
Building a beautiful future with the other earth seeds
thank you Queen Octavia for the prophecies
No stopping these changes going on
Decolonization I love that song
So sing-a-long or you'll be singing the blues
Choosing fake news ignoring context clues
A-No-MoLies
Big Tara on the mic
And you already know the vibes I hold the line
Pri the Honeydark verse:
I hold the lines that be traumatic
in a world of indecision
that seems almost cinematic
when the devil plays a role
and takes the line in which I hold
and ties a noose around my neck
cause racism be systematic ....and
ain’t seen this many serpents
since the Vatican
they bite the hand that feeds them
then get angry when we mad at them
for killing off our people
till we hash tagged into acronyms.
but pretty soon you will commence to vanishing
DJ Kuttin Kandi verse:
to be truthful
I barely got the spoons
To make room
for injudicious monsoons
waves of gaslit afternoons
Covid-19 doom’d
Capitols or platoons
coups are the culminations
Of a system
built like harpoons
pursuing
people
precariously
preserving
prevarication
Capitalism
got us trapped
In dunes & /factions
takin arms & actions
takin
Roe wade Doctrines
Risin
Insurrections
Need
Restorative
reflection
Rise
to the mutiny
you and me
We all We Got
Solidarity
Only way thru
is with the masses
expect us to
Get past this
in the trenches
memories
carry
travesties
cuttin cards
easily
survive
catastrophes
Anomolies
movement build
abolition ready
Only we can save us
hold the line
Like a revolutionary
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13. |
Dead of Night
01:33
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