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lyrics

Thank you for being here
I’d like to think you knew
That I would need you in this room as I emerge from my cocoon
So strange, this moment with me and you
reminds me of my time in hospitals
From my point of view, it’s not the same but very different
Let me explain
I’m here, alone, unpacking all my pain while you listen
Is it really all that different
from a doctor bearing witness to a story that’s been given?
See
I understand what this moment means
as I look out at you and you look back at me
There’s opportunity in devastation
and maybe my cup is half full, but I’m so happy that I made it here tonight
Because there were so many nights
that I’d lie awake and cry myself to sleep I wasn’t fine
I was weak and inconsolable, wading in my pain
I only had one question and my question was the same
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?

Broken, out of control
Music therapy gave me something that I could hold
Everything was in the air, I was at the end of my rope.
Playing drums was another way to cope with illness.
I still get beside myself
When I think about how music therapy gave me my health back in stages
Hard for me to say this
When I thought that I was dying, music made me feel like I could make it
Hope triggers healing
that's what I was feeling
It lives within the art I make

I found it so revealing
Cathartic
I finally own the sentence I’m an artist
I feel abundant
Abundant in the harvest of self
That is my wealth
return to which I came
Music therapy gave me back my pseudonym and that is Helixx
Helixx isn’t without pain
I still have one question and my question is the same
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?
If all we have is the moment we are in
I’d like to take this moment to really underpin
the fact that now I’m feeling happy, hopeful, vibrant
I’m full of gratitude and no I’m not trying to hide it
This school year I watched my son enter 12th grade
Even at my sickest he was making straight A’s
As a single parent, I’m swearing I wouldn’t be transparent
If I didn’t tell him that I love him
for his care and his support
his courage and his thoughts
Love was like a torch
I’ve won more than I’ve lost
Yes, there was a cost
I am forever optimistic
Now a full time artist and my goals are quite specific
I dedicate my life to music therapy, you see the transformation
I feel I have to let it be, let it be known
A butterfly is closing off this poem
existential questions, are questions left unknown like
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?
Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name now?

Is God Waiting for me on the other side of pain
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name?
Does God know my name now?

credits

from House of Helixx, released October 31, 2022

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Creative Juices Music New York, New York

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